The Proposal, Part 2 : Would you have Tom Petty help you ask that question?

When you keep a proposal secret from your fiancée, a wide gulf exists between your respective perceptions of the events leading up to that moment. To your fiancée, it’s an evening that will starts out relatively uneventful, and, if you’re doing it right, she’s not going to pick up on any cues that this is anything different than the last thirty weekends. To you, it’s a challenge to keep everything moving toward your plan without giving anything away.

That created a couple of hiccups. A couple weeks before the proposal, I asked Melanie if she’d like to go karaoke singing. Melanie has an excellent singing voice, and loves karaoke. On our third or fourth date, we sang karaoke at a local bar, and I remember how surprised I was that this otherwise soft-spoken woman had such a powerful and beautiful voice.[1] We had found a couple of places in midtown that had a karaoke event on the weekend, so we chose one of them.

I also decided that I’d like some people important to Melanie to be there to share her excitement. (Assuming she said yes.) To that end, I’d invited her sister and her sister’s fiancée to join us at karaoke. However, we ended up going on one day earlier than originally planned, which meant that Liz and Justin couldn’t come along. (Justin’s a DJ, and had a gig the night we went to karaoke.) I’m not sure when Liz knew about my plans, but I don’t think I ended up pushing the issue of us waiting until they could come along because I was afraid Melanie would know something was up. I also didn’t want to postpone this, because I wasn’t sure how long the folks who knew about the engagement could contain themselves.

I also invited Catherine, our mutual friend along. Catherine introduced us originally, and Melanie and I re-connected after a year-long split at Catherine’s birthday party, so it seemed fitting that she should be there for this. I was a little worried that Catherine might not be feeling up to it after work, so I went ahead and sent her an e-mail letting her know what I was doing that night. Catherine, being an incredibly supportive friend, assured me that she’d be there.

About an hour and a half before we met with her, it occurred to me that I Melanie and I had been talking about getting married and moving in together, but Catherine didn’t necessarily know that. I worried that Catherine might hear us talking, and assume that I’d already popped the question, so I sent her a text telling her not to be surprised if the topic came up in conversation and that Melanie did not know about my plan. Here again, Catherine was supportive, and thanked me for the heads up.

Before we left, we had dinner and watched an episode of the show Taboo on Netflix. By pure coincidence, she chose an episode about marriage in different cultures. I remember being amused by that, given the circumstances. Not that I could show it, though – she just thought it would be an interesting thing to watch. To me, it was an omen; to her, it was a way to kill some time before we went out.

About 9:30, Melanie and I left my apartment for Midtown Tavern. I had put the ring in the pocket of the jacket I intended to wear earlier in the day, before Melanie got there. As we were getting ready to leave, I turned my back to her, took the ring out, and made sure it was still there. I’m not sure what I expected. Maybe I was worried that some gnomes had broken into my apartment and stolen the ring or something. Maybe I just enjoyed tempting fate.

Once we arrived at Midtown Tavern, things proceeded quickly. Catherine was there to meet us. We made had a nice time catching up while each of us waited for our chance to sing.

I asked Melanie if she had any preferences as to my song choice. I’m not sure which of us initially selected Tom Petty. I scanned through the song book, and came up with a couple options. The first was “Walls,” a song that I sang on our first karaoke date. The other was “The Waiting,” which I thought might be a little better for a proposal. Without prompting her, I asked her which one she’d like better. She chose “Walls.” I asked her if she was sure, and she said yes. I asked her if was because it was one of the first songs I sang to her, and she smiled and nodded.

I tried to be casual about it, but I also knew that it was the song I’d be singing when I proposed to Melanie. I wanted to make sure she was happy with it. “Walls” had the advantage that it was a song that she associated with us getting together, so it already had some significance to her. Also, I knew from singing it a couple times that “Walls” had a long-ish instrumental break in the middle of the song. Usually, that makes for a lot of awkward fidgeting during a song, but in this case, it was a perfect fit.

Not long after we sent our names up, the DJ called for Melanie’s name, and said that Melanie would be followed by me. That moment reminded me a little of going to airborne school, when the time came for us to get up and shuffle to the door of the plane. I needed to walk up there on the stage and take the leap, and from that point, gravity would take over. The waiting had been the hardest part, but now it was over. I was anxious, given the magnitude of the event, but I knew for certain that this was what I wanted, and I wasn’t going to back down. Of course, much like jumping out of the plane, there was also the possibility that if I did something wrong, and Melanie said no in front of a crowd of people, I’d be free falling.

Having exhausted my supply of airborne metaphors and Tom Petty references, I got on stage and started singing (to use the word loosely). Catherine was a great help in making this work. She both filmed everything on her phone and ensured that Melanie stayed near the stage while I was singing. (Melanie told me later that this was her first indication that something was up.)

On a whim, I took out the ring box, and held it in my hand while I was singing. Melanie, however, didn’t notice, as she was following along with the lyrics. Toward the end of the second verse, I even opened the box to have it ready. She still didn’t notice.

So, I took the direct approach. When the song came to its instrumental interlude, I proposed. I had a rough idea of what I wanted to say when I got up there, but it was a little improvised.

“Hey Melanie?” (Not originally part of the speech, but I needed to get her attention.)

“I love you more than anything else in the world, babe.” (I knew getting up there I wanted to say that.)

“And having a musical break that’s eight measures long seems like a decent time to ask…” (Again, not originally part of the speech. I was a little nervous, and sometime I make jokes when I’m nervous.)

At this point, I held up the ring. The crowd -- having keyed in to the fact that something new was interrupting the usual program of patrons drunkenly warbling off-key versions of songs from the 1980’s – started cheering.

“Will you marry me?” The crowd was still cheering at this point, but I could see Melanie looking shocked, and smiling, and saying “yes”.

The cheering of the crowd was drowning her out though. “Can you say that a little louder? Can you give me a thumbs-up if that’s a ‘yes’?” (OK, this part was actually something I planned. Sometimes I just makes jokes because I’m goofy.)

Melanie yelled “YES!” and nodded vigorously, smiling. I walked down, finishing the song. I got down on one knee to put the ring on her finger, and finished the song. She looked positively radiant, and I’d never felt better about any other decision in my life. I gave her a kiss.

And from that point on, my life keeps changing for the better every day.

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[1] I also remember thinking, “Why is she singing a song about a woman who destroys her boyfriend’s car because she suspects him of cheating?”, but that’s neither here nor there.

The Proposal, Part 1: Storming the brain

My brother told me: “Do something special for the proposal. Unfortunately, you don't get a second chance, and it's a story you'll tell a lot. Make it a good one. Funny, romantic, embarrassing, whatever. Just make it special.”

I took my brother’s advice on this to heart. I am not, by nature, someone who is comfortable with or adept at planning elaborate events. I also once read a satirical article about marriage written from the perspective of a cynical woman. It included the following advice meant to dissuade the man from trying a memorable proposal:

When you propose, don't try to do anything cute like putting the ring in my wine glass or having a little kid bring it to me at a picnic. It's all been done before, and you are not a very creative person. It would probably just come off as cheesy and forced. Just get down on a knee and get it over with. New Year's Eve works fine for me.

That pretty much could have been describing me. However, while I’m sure many folks take their cues on life from humor web sites – and really, why shouldn’t they? – it seemed like Melanie might appreciate the effort.

I briefly considered trying to recruit Vannah, Melanie’s niece, into the proposal. Melanie absolutely adores Vannah. My idea was to tell Vannah to give the ring to Melanie, and have her ask Melanie to marry Rob. In theory, it seemed that Vannah, who has been the source of so much joy in Melanie’s life, would be the perfect vehicle for what I hoped would be a wonderful moment. Upon further consideration, however, I decided that giving a two-year old a choking hazard that can also cut glass was a tad impractical.

I also considered bring Melanie to Athens to re-create our first date. (Luckily, it wasn’t until our second date that I tried to push her chair across the street too fast and nearly knocked her out of her chair when I hit a bump.) I wasn’t quite sure how well that would work, though. The first place we went on our first date was an Italian chain restaurant that had since closed down under tragic circumstances. The closest approximation would probably have been Olive Garden. While I’m sure a proposal story that starts out with, “So, we went to dinner at Olive Garden” would put be a great way to get mentioned in the next edition of Stuff White People Like, that wasn’t what I was shooting for.

Also, the last place we went on our first date was her dorm room at UGA. (I can’t recall specifically, but I believe we went there to read the Bible and play Scrabble, or something to that effect.) If we went there, we might interrupt college kids taking tequila shots or sacrificing goats (which is what I assume most UGA college students do when they aren’t studying cow-tipping), and that could quickly become awkward. So, back to the drawing board.

I briefly considered just taking her out to dinner and asking her. And getting her a card that said, “Sorry I can’t think of anything better, but will you still marry me? I’ve got a good job!”

Then, at some point, I was listening to Johnny Cash, as I am wont to do. I recalled the ending of Walk the Line, where Johnny proposes to June while they’re singing “Jackson.” (Apparently, this happened in real life.) In the context of the story, it seemed like kind of a jerk move, because they’d been fighting up to that point, and he was effectively putting her in a position where the entire crowd was pressuring her to say yes. So, obviously, I decided that was the way to go. (Ah, movies and television – when have they ever steered someone in the wrong direction?)

The Ring: If you love it, then you should etc., etc.

Although I know that your average red-blooded American men possesses detailed knowledge about how to select a diamond ring, that particular skill has eluded me. In fact, my approach to buying things is particularly ill-suited to such a sensitive purchase. When I got to the mall, I probably take more time looking for a parking spot than looking for what I want.

Given my complete lack of expertise in this field, I spoke with my family to get a better handle on buying an engagement ring. My mother, sister, and brother all provided helpful advice about getting the cut, clarity, size, etc. They also asked what kind of jewelry Melanie likes, and to get her something that would work with that. My brother and sister sent me a couple links to jeweler websites. I downloaded about fifteen or sixteen pictures of different styles of rings. I also pored through all the photos of Melanie I could find to get some idea of what kind of jewelry she might like, since she usually doesn’t wear much more than earrings and a nose piercing.

Finally, after this exhaustive research into how to get her a ring, I pretty much reverted to form when it came time to actually buy the ring. I got to the jeweler, Solomon Brothers, about twenty minutes before they closed. Despite trying to get smart on this stuff, I was still pretty lost. The salesman, Terry, was quite helpful in walking me through the process.

For someone with an untrained eye, it turns out that selecting a diamond can be a straightforward process. I knew Melanie would like a round cut. Once that decision was made, choosing the diamond boiled down to: “Would you like this nice-looking diamond, or this larger nice looking diamond, or this nice-looking diamond that is a little smaller than the larger nice looking diamond but is clearer?” Those weren’t Terry’s exact words – I believe he actually described the various diamonds in terms of carat size, clarity, and color – but that’s pretty much how my brain processed the decision.

When I mentioned that I wasn’t quite sure what type of ring setting Melanie would like, Terry suggested that I get her a solitaire in with a simple band, and have her come back to pick out the setting later. My sister had suggested doing the same thing.

I decided that picking out a simple ring setting and bring Melanie back to the store was the best idea. I knew that I could probably pick out a more ornate setting that would be fine, and that she would be happy. I also knew that if I went to the effort of picking out a more ornate setting, Melanie would refuse to come back to the store and pick out a new one. Melanie has never been one to let her personal preferences dominate a situation, and I knew that she wouldn’t consider the idea of choosing something that was more closely matched to her preference if I’d already gone to the trouble of picking out a ring.

That says a lot about her generosity of spirit, but it seems like kind of a cheap win on my part. I decided that picking a plain band, and emphasizing to her that I’d done so for the express purpose of having her keep the same diamond by choose the exact setting that she wanted, was the best option. It was a good compromise between preserving the surprise and ensuring the ring was the right one.[1]

So, altogether, I walked into the jewelry store at 7:40, and walked out at 8:10. At least I spent more time looking for the ring than looking for a parking spot.

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[1] Given that it was my plan to bring Melanie back to the store long before she had any idea that I’d bought a ring, I have been exasperated by women who think that Melanie simply didn’t like the ring I got her. I put a lot of thought into how to set the conditions to get her to return to the jeweler, and I still had to put a lot of effort into assuaging her fears that she’d be hurting my feelings by choosing a more personalized setting. I’m considering the idea of giving Melanie a signed and notarized letter from me explaining this when it comes up in conversation.

Meet the parents, secretly

This was probably the easiest thing to do, but the hardest thing to keep secret. Melanie’s parents have always welcomed me into their home, so I wasn’t worried about the outcome of the conversation. However, since Melanie lives with her parents, I was worried that one of them might accidentally let something slip to Melanie before I could propose. (It was hard enough keeping my parents from spilling the secret, and we only saw them for dinner a couple times in the weeks before the proposal.) To make it easier on them, I waited until the week of the proposal to talk to them.

First, I needed to get their phone number from Melanie without tipping her off. I managed to do so by suggesting that, since we had started listing one another as emergency contacts, we should probably have contact info for our various family members. (At the time, I thought it was a clever plan. I didn’t quite consider that I probably could have gotten the same information by checking the white pages, and avoided involving Melanie at all.)

I also casually asked Melanie when Savannah, her niece, would be at her parents’ house. Savannah visits her grandparents about once a week. She is almost two years old, which makes her old enough to articulate information accurately (“Rob was here talking to Grandpa Slick today!”) and young enough to have absolutely no sense of discretion (“Grandma told me not to tell you about Rob, Aunt Mel!”) . I’m sure Melanie’s mother could have played it off as Savannah making up stories if she had said something to Melanie, but I didn’t want to put a mother in the position of lying to her daughter or discrediting her granddaughter. Also, if Savannah did in fact see me, and she then had her grandmother denying I had been there, that seems like the sort of thing that could mess with a child’s burgeoning understanding of the world around her. So, I wanted to ensure that I stopped by the house when Vannah wouldn’t there.

It turned out the Savannah would be coming over on Wednesday, which limited my options to Monday or Thursday. When I left work on Monday night, I called their house and asked if I could drop by for a few minutes. I drove to their home in Fayetteville, and after some small talk, I told them my plans and asked them for their approval.

Her parents were quite happy with my news. I wanted to talk to both of them, since talking to just her father seemed a little anachronistic. Don, her father, apparently thinks the same thing. He told me (just as he’d recently told Justin, Melanie’s sister’s fiancé), that while he appreciated my show of respect, he considered the practice of asking parents for permission to marry their daughter to be an outmoded tradition from when women were considered property. (Jane, her mother, interjected that it was sweet of me to do so.) I asked if that meant there would be no dowry involved in marrying his daughter, and he confirmed that was the case. (Never hurts to ask, though.)

He also told me, almost as a formality, that he’d have me beaten up if I ever harmed Melanie. He said that he was probably getting too old to do so himself, but he could probably hire some guys to do it. I told him that it shouldn’t be a problem.

Jane was also excited, and gave me a hug. Being a devoted mother, she stressed that, due to Melanie’s disability, Melanie would require a lot of care. I assured her that we were prepared for that. Melanie and I do a good job of accounting for the various logistical issues that crop up from her being in a wheelchair.

Jane also declined to look at a picture of the ring. (Much like her daughter, she prefers surprises, and didn’t want to see the ring until Melanie had.) Which was a pity, because I’d spent 30 whole minutes picking it out…

A view from the groom

Asking Melanie to marry me has been the best decision of my life. Once I made the decision to do it, I knew that I wanted to do it in a way that was right for us. To that end, I decided there were three big tasks to accomplish:

(1) Talk to her parents.

(2) Choose a ring.

(3) Come up with a proposal.

Throughout the process, I wanted to keep my plans a secret from Melanie. I was fairly certain that she would say “yes,” as we had talked about getting married and had started discussing our future together in terms of “when” rather than “if”. Even so, we hadn’t discussed any sort of time frame, and I didn’t think she expected that a proposal was imminent. I also know that she likes surprises.[1] That being the case, I knew if I could plan everything without her catching on, it would make her even happier.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I set things in motion…

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[1] Good surprises, that is. I doubt that I could talk my way out of doing something wrong by telling her “Surprise!” at the end.

Venue #3: Cherokee Run

On our way out to Covington for the engagement party, we stopped to see the Cherokee Run Golf Club in Conyers. While it doesn't have the gardens of Trolley Barn, it is set against the backdrop of a beautiful golf course. On the other hand, it's a country club, and it doesn't have the same relaxed feel as the Trolley Barn. So, at the moment, Cherokee Run is about on par (no pun intended) with Trolley Barn.

Cherokee Run is located at the International Horse Park. We have a beautiful view of the greens from the dining room.


The space on the patio is included, allowing people to mingle outdoors. (With fans overhead, of course -- we are planning a summer wedding.)

The interior of Cherokee Run is also beautiful. The dining room is spacious, with high ceilings. There's also plentiful natural lighting, which I prefer.

The room includes seating 150 guests as well as a dance floor. It may be a little tighter than Trolley Barn, which could make it more difficult for me to visit with our guest during the ceremony.

The hostess explained some possible layouts for the room.



The dining room was set up for a brunch buffet, which gave us some idea of how things would be set up for the reception. (We would probably move the buffet against a wall to give us a little more space.) A stone fireplace adds a warm, homey vibe.

View of the fireplace

The rental price for the facility is the lowest of any venue we're considering. Unfortunately, we aren't allowed to bring our own alcohol. Since paying for a bar ended up being nearly a third of the expenses at Emory, we're concerned that being unable to bring our own alcohol would erase a lot of the cost advantage for Cherokee Run.
The location is also a big draw for personal reasons. Rob and I want Nelson, his stepfather, to officiate our ceremony, and it seems natural to consider using his church, Grace Covenant Presbyterian. We want to cut down on our guests' driving time between locations by using a reception site in the same area. Grace Covenant is located in Conyers, about 40 minutes East of Atlanta. The venues we looked at in Atlanta would require too long of a drive between ceremony and the reception to use Grace Covenant. If we choose an Atlanta venue, we would also need to find a church that will permit Nelson to officiate. With that in mind, having the reception at Cherokee Run would allow us to use Grace Covenant without adding in an inconvenient drive for our guests.

Pros:

• Easily-accessed space. There are no stairs to enter, and the entire venue is on one level.
• Handicap bathroom stall! The bathroom was larger than Trolley Barn, and included with one or two extra stalls. (Also, there is a shower, just in case things get too crazy at the reception.)
• Pretty view of the greens.

Cons:

• We must use their caterers.
• BYOB is not allowed. I'm still waiting to hear back on how much a bar would run us. That will decide whether venue #3 stays or is cut from the list.

Venue #2: Trolley Barn



I adore old historical buildings and have looked at several old houses that serve as wedding sites. However, while I enjoy looking at them, I've also realized that these sites probably won’t suit us well from a practical standpoint. Old venues tend to be inaccessible—stairs to get in, stairs inside, narrow door ways, and tiny bathrooms.

That being the case, when I looked at the Trolley Barn, my first concern was wheelchair accessibility. As we arrived, I was delighted to see the barn doors open up on the ground level, with no stairs needed to enter the building!

I admired the antique look of the entire place. The high ceiling is beautiful, with old wooden beams. The reception area also had well-maintained wooden floors. A metal spiral staircase leads up to the balcony level and down to the basement level.

The balcony includes an open space that overlooks the main room. Unfortunately, there is no elevator for me to access the balcony or basement, but I’m OK with that. We figured that the balcony could be open for people to get away from the crowd for a few minutes. It would also serve as a nice perspective for the photographer to get some interesting shots.



Picture from the balcony

 

Upstairs reception area

I checked the bathroom on the main level—it was accessible. The handicap stall wasn’t as large as I’d like, but it would work. Another down side to the restrooms on the main level, there are only 2 stalls in the women’s restroom. Additional bathrooms are available in the basement, although I'm not sure of how many.

Trolley Barn also has a gorgeous outdoor area that included a brick patio nearly as large as the main room. The garden area is colorful and would make for fantastic pictures.

Linda, the proprietor, did point out that this area is only for guests to view. Guests are not allowed to walk through the garden area, and children are not allowed to play there. She made an exception, however, for taking wedding pictures.



View of the barn from the patio

Another cool feature was the outdoor wooden bar—there were little holes cut out of the top so at night the light would shine out for a pretty effect.



Outdoor bar area



Negatives:

• Parking at the Trolley Barn itself was limited. There is a small lot adjacent to the barn that could hold maybe 10 cars. However, the barn has parking agreements with the judicial building across the street and the church down the block, which makes parking less of a problem. You are required to have a security guard, who would guide cars to available street parking.
• Bathroom is smaller than I’d prefer. I can get in and close the door, but I do wish there was more space. There are only two stalls in the women's restroom on the main floor.
• Some areas (balcony) would not be accessible.
• Tables and chairs are not included in the rental fee and can be rented for an additional fee.

Positives:

• Large, beautiful open space.
• Bringing our own alcohol is permitted.
• No stairs are required to enter the main floor. Rob and I would be able to walk out and make a “grand exit” with bubbles, flowers, birdseed, etc. the same way as everyone else
• Reasonably priced.
• There is an accessible bathroom.
• It’s nice to have the outdoor area available for people to enjoy, if the weather permits. The bar outside makes the area even more useable.
• They have at least one Saturday in June and most weekends in July currently available.

Overall, my impression was very positive. I was nearly ready to book it right then and there. Since it was only the second venue we had checked, though, we should see a few more before we make our final decision.

The Search Begins...Venue #1: Emory

We started our search with the Emory Conference Center. It is a beautiful site, and the event coordinator, Uli Burgess, was friendly, knowledgeable, and professional. I'm sure the venue is worth every dollar you'd spend on it. Unfortunately, that's a LOT of dollars, and more than we're willing to spend at this point.

The Knot, a wedding magazine I've been reading, listed Emory under the $$ (out of $$$$). As we began our reception venue search, we started with places listed as $$ or below. Neither of us have expensive tastes, and we're also planning to buy a condo this year, so we're trying to be cost-conscious.

Emory was beautiful—there was an enormous ballroom with plenty of room for the 150 guests we anticipate inviting. Uli also told us that if we wanted extra space between table, which I would need to get around and visit with guests during the reception, we should have a space that seats about 20-25 more than we plan on attending. It’s helpful to know that we now should be aiming for a location that comfortably seats closer to 180 than 150.

Emory also had a fun space comprised of six bowling lanes, several pool tables, a video game station, and a bar. When showing us the space, Uli informed us the area is frequently used as a rehearsal dinner spot to take the awkwardness out of meeting distant relatives.

Additionally, Emory was fully handicapped-accessible. Sometimes, different facilities use a narrow definition of "accessible.” I checked out the bathrooms to ensure they had the same idea of accessible as I had.

Another nice feature is having a hotel available right there for guests from out of town.

Everything at Emory was wonderful. Then we got a cost estimate: $17,000 for the reception. In addition, that price didn’t include everything that we’d need for the party, such as flowers, DJ, cake, etc. With one calculation, one potential venue was removed from our list.

Of course, I’m sure that if you have a budget vastly greater than ours, Emory would be worth it. It truly is a beautiful venue. The facilities were accessible. We had a choice of two dining rooms for different sizes of events.

Uli, the event coordinator, is wonderful, and I'm sure she would take all the pressure off organizing and planning. Rob was impressed that she actually talked to me, as opposed to directing all questions to him. Sometimes, when people are talking to the two of us, people tend to direct questions to Rob when he's standing. Uli, however, was quite courteous, and continually shifted her attention from one of us to the other while we were speaking.

Ultimately, though, we can't justify the cost. It would save us a lot of effort in planning, but given our budget, and the prospect of paying for a condo this year, we're better off taking on some of that effort ourselves.

Even though we passed on the venue, though, I’m glad we went to Emory and got the quote. It broke the price down and showed us how much we’d be spending for what services.

Also, once we realized that a three-hour open bar could run around $4,000-$5,000, we decided to rule out places who do not allow you to bring your own alcohol. Next to the rental fee for the facility itself, that's probably the best place for us to control costs.

The most important thing we learned from visiting Emory was that $17,000 was what we’d end up paying anywhere around Atlanta for a similar type of venue.

So, we started searching for different types of venues.

(We did not take pictures at Emory. If you want to check them out, visit http://www.emoryconferencecenter.com/weddings/.)

Operation Flower Girl

We are having three flower girls: Rob’s nieces Grace and Julia (who are eight and six years old, respectively) and my (nearly!) two-year-old niece Savannah. We figured that having three flower girls wouldn’t be an issue. Savannah will still be two years old when we get married, making her too young to perform flower girl duties on her own. Grace and/or Julia can help Savannah while ensuring the petals are properly scattered.


I knew Julia had never been a flower girl before, so I wanted to find a fun way to ask Rob's nieces to be flower girls in the wedding. At first, I thought about giving them real flowers, or a basket with actual flowers. After some thought, I decided on giving them cookies decorated like flowers in a basket. Real flowers die and aren’t edible. Cookies taste delicious.

My mother was a big help. In her younger days, her hobby was cake decorating. She had old decorating books that had instructions on making icing flowers. The book had us making icing flowers on a nail, which was difficult. My efforts turned out looking nothing like the pansy I was trying to create. (My mom was luckier.) Sticking with the simple daisy proved to be the best for me. In hindsight, making the icing flowers and then putting them on the cookies wasn’t the best way to go. Creating the flower on the cookie would have been easier.

As an aside — The books we used were from the 1970's, and the pictures portrayed the wife spending all day decorating the cake for her husband’s birthday. The cake was served at a table with two well dressed smiling children (boy and a girl) who had tall glasses of milk in front of them. Mom wore a pearl necklace, a dress, apron, and a smile. Dad had on a tie and was surprised by the beauty of his cake…Oh, those must have been the days.

The final product turned out pretty and tasted yummy. We placed the cookies in two baskets, one for Grace and one for Julia, with a flower shaped note asking if they would be a flower girl. The girls seemed to like them. When we asked them to be our flower girls, they said yes.

Grace's basket

Julia's basket

Savannah did not get a basket of cookies. She did get a flower cookie (and asked for a second one, which she didn’t get). I then asked her if she wanted to be a flower girl for Aunt Mel and Rob. I showed her a picture in a magazine of a flower girl.

Flower girl practice

From her perspective, a flower girl wears a pretty dress, dances around, and carries a basket of flowers. Beyond that, she doesn’t comprehend. She did say "Yes," though.

Also, Savannah has been practicing being a flower girl. She thinks it’s a game, and carries a basket down the hall saying “Step, step.” She encourages Grandma and Grandpa Slick to be a flower girl, and they frequently indulge her.

With such beautiful and excited flower girls, our wedding party is off to a good start!

Engagement Bliss

The weekend of the proposal was the best weekend of my life. We basked in the glow of engagement happiness.

I love him! Had to include the ring in the picture.

A week or so earlier, Rob and I thought it would be nice to have our parents over Father’s Day (which was the Sunday after we were engaged). Our parents had never met before and having them over on Father’s Day seemed like a great idea. Sneaky Rob, I had no clue that he was planning to propose and having our families over was just part of the plan.

Our parents and my sister Liz and her fiance Justin having dinner

Beautiful cake my mom made

Pretty flowers Rob's mom brought us



Cute engagment cupcakes my Mom made to celebrate..She made some for
Liz and Justin (who got engaged May 5) too



We had a nice time celebrating and it didn’t take long for us to start talking wedding plans. There were a few things we agreed upon right off the bat—we wanted Rob’s step-father Nelson to marry us, we wanted all 3 of our nieces to be flower girls. With venues, there were certain features we were looking for.

1. Completely accessible is necessary. Since I use a power wheelchair, I want to be able to get around, use the restroom, and fully experience the venue on my wedding day.
2. Space—we wanted a large open space that would allow for us to have extra room between tables so that my chair could get between them.
3. Price-We are planning to buy a condo in a few months. We don’t want to break the bank and end up paying for the wedding for the rest of our lives. We want a wedding that is inexpensive, but doesn’t appear as such.

And so the search begins…

The Proposal

I thought Friday June 17, 2011 was going to be a typical day.  It was a furlough day for me, so I had the evening off work.  Rob had suggested the previous week that we karaoke this weekend.  I went over to his apartment after he was home from work.  We ordered in dinner and watched television. I wanted to watch the National Geographic show, Taboo. As we scrolled through the episode choices, we settled on the episode about marriage.  I don’t remember Rob pushing for this choice at all; in hindsight, it’s pretty amusing that I picked that episode when Rob was sitting next to me knowing he was intended on proposing later.

That night happened to be unseasonably chilly, at least I thought so, mostly thanks to the wind. As we walked to Midtown Tavern, I nearly asked Rob to borrow his coat, which had the ring in one of the pockets. I ended up not asking for it because I knew it had a little gun in the pocket (the area we were walking through to get to Midtown Tavern starts becoming a little sketchy) and I didn’t want to have the gun.  (Later, I asked Rob if he would have refused to give me his coat if I had asked.  He said he would have made up an excuse for me to cross the street first while he took off the coat, and at that time would have moved the ring from the jacket).   

Outside view of the place on the night where it all went down
(Photo: Courtesy of Grant Surrant)

We met Catherine at the bar—got our seats, beers, and the song book, just like normal.  Catherine sang first, then me, and then Rob. When Rob was singing, I started heading back to the table.  Catherine, who was recording Rob on her phone, told me to go back towards the front to watch. I didn’t think much of her recording his performance. He had recorded some of mine. I wasn’t sure why she insisted that I not return to the table though. So I went back upfront where I danced and sang along with the lyrics to the “Walls” by Tom Petty.  During the instrumental break in the song, Rob started talking into the microphone. I don’t remember what I was thinking then. I was probably confused. He said “Hey Melanie. I love more than anything else in this world. And having a musical break seems like a decent time to ask…Will you marry me?”  He pulled out the ring.

Rob on stage with the ring asking me to marry him
(Photo: Courtesy of Grant Surrant)

I was shocked. I nodded my head and said yes. From there, he came down from the stage and got down on one knee. He finished most of the song. I kept repeating “Oh my gosh!” I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. It felt surreal, like a dream.



Down on one knee--My mouth is wide own with shock
(Photo: Courtesy of Grant Surrant)

Luckily for us, a photographer happened to be at the bar that evening taking pictures. He was kind enough to send us some of the pictures he captured. Grant Surrant--check him out. We got a few pictures together minutes after being engaged.

The ring is beautiful..I couldn't stop looking at it. Here's a closer picture..

My gorgeous engagment ring--He did a great job!

In case you want to my description and photos aren't enough, there is a video of it that Catherine recorded her phone. The original video was sent in 3 parts (the file was too big to send as one), however Rob worked some magic editing skills and produced this..
https://picasaweb.google.com/rjcurylo/RobAndMel?authkey=Gv1sRgCN-O5sS9_uGtNg&feat=email#5633072332348700450

Deciding to Blog

I’ve decided to start a wedding blog after internet searches provided little new advice on wedding planning for a bride in a wheelchair. Perhaps the differences are minimal and my anxiety surrounding difficulties will be futile. That would be wonderful.  In the event that there are obstacles to consider and issues that will arise, I’ll write about those experiences and the solutions that we discovered. Hopefully in the future, another disabled bride-to-be stumbles across it and has an easier time preparing for her wedding. If not, friends and family will be completely up to speed on all of our wedding plans.


A wedding blog should start with the engagement so I’ll backtrack just a tad…