First Attempt at DIY Wedding Décor

The midnight supervisor (Matyka) at my office has been telling for the last two months that I’m behind on wedding plans and need to do X,Y, & Z by such-and-such a date. I came into work one day to find a stack of bridal books on my desk.

Personally, I thought we were on track, even though finding a condo has taken up most of our free time. However, once that came to a stalemate, I was re-energized for wedding plans. I searched online for easy do-it-yourself ideas that I could start on right away. I didn’t want to wait until a couple months before the wedding, when working on crafts would stress me out as opposed to be being fun. I honed in on candles, centerpieces, and flower girl baskets. So, on a furlough day, Matyka and I looked to see what we could find.

It took all day and searching two dollar stores, Michaels, and Walmart to find the supplies (some of which didn’t work out and need to be returned).

The fruits of our labors were individual candles (R for Robert and M for Melanie) for lighting the unity candle. (The actual unity candle still is waiting to be created, since I didn’t buy enough pillar candles.)

We also put together three memorial candles. I saw these on a website and thought making one at least for Rob’s father would be nice. I know that Rob wishes his father could be there to witness our happiness on the special day, so something commemorating him was important for me to do for him.

The candles were surprisingly easy to make. I found the poem online and added the appropriate names to each. Then, we printed the poem out on vellum (translucent paper) and taped to the candle. After that, we attached a ribbon with hot glue to dress the candles up a bit.

I loved the way they turned out. I’m glad I could find easy and pretty ways to personalize our wedding and pay tribute to those that have passed away who were important in our lives.

We also created a sample centerpiece. When I started off, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted for a centerpiece. I thought perhaps simply candles would be nice. After seeing a picture of flowers in water with a floating candle on top, though, I attempted to re-create it for our wedding.

Searching for flowers may have been the most difficult part. I was leaning towards silk flowers, so that the centerpieces could be done ahead of time (aside from adding water and lighting the candle). Michael’s had lots of flowers that were pricier than I expected. Ten dollars or more for one fake flower wasn’t what I was expecting, and the purpose of creating this centerpiece with fake flowers was to cut down on the expense of bouquets at each table. For that price, I might as well use the real thing. Finding a small bouquet of yellow roses was exactly what I was looking for, although at first attempt I was not so sure.

Putting roses and ribbon to fill in didn’t look right. Also, I accidentally bought purple rocks to put in the bottom of the vase—they looked silver in the store!

Using what I had around me, I added some natural-looking rocks and added leaves to the roses, which made the vase look very elegant.

I also added some votive candles (also compliments of our dining room table centerpiece) around the vase to get the desired effect.

The centerpiece was incredibly easy to make and I think it looks beautiful. I think this centerpiece will likely adorn some, though perhaps not all, tables at our reception. To mix it up, I’m thinking of a couple of different centerpieces, one of which may be the traditional route of fresh flowers.

I hope that once we find a condo, I can get to my future DIY projects--unity candle and flower girl baskets (once I find the baskets and flowers).

Yes to the Dress?

Yep—I applied for Say Yes to the Dress. I was bored one night and came across the application online. I decided to fill it out because I knew my future nieces watch the show and they would be so excited if I was on it, and since I had nothing to lose by answering a few questions and sending in a picture, I went ahead and applied.

I didn’t hear from them for over a month. I assumed that by since I selected the lowest possible price point for a dress ($500-1000), they decided against using me. To my surprise, though, I received an email indicating that they had selected me for a phone interview. Based on the outcome of the phone interview, filming would be two weeks later.

The interview went “fine” to me. Standard stuff that I expected—how did we meet, who was paying for the dress, what kind of dress do you want, etc. They also asked me about how people would describe me and for me to describe the people I would want to bring to the bridal shop (Mom, sister, mother-in-law, etc).

I made the rookie mistake of describing people honestly (at least if I wanted to get on reality TV). I described my mom as not liking conflict and not liking to rock the boat. I also described my sister as caring, more outgoing than me, and always being there when I need her, which is very true. When they asked about bridesmaids, I described our mutual friend Catherine (the friend who introduced me to Rob). I talked about how I believed Catherine would always be there for Rob or me. I mentioned that she is such a loyal friend--how she agreed to move into our condo (in the event of a deployment) since Rob would sleep easier knowing I wasn’t alone.

In hindsight, this is a bad move. Apparently, not talking about mother-in-law and/or mother drama does not make for good television. Reality TV loves drama. Functional, loving families and friends like mine don’t attract viewers.

I do think showing our story would have been unique. My futile search for brides in wheelchairs tends to lead back to the Say Yes to the Dress bride who was in a wheelchair. I’ve seen many comments describing this as people’s favorite episode. (I’m still searching for this episode. Netflix skips season 4. I would like to see the types of dresses recommended and how they attached a train to her chair.)

I suppose it is all for the best in the end. Based on my sister’s limited experience at Bridal’s by Lori, I probably would have been saying “no” to the dress. Their low price point realistically starts at around $1,500. My sister, who went there a few weeks ago for her wedding in April, said the least expensive dress she saw in the type she wanted was around $2,000.

Personally, I’d love to stay below $1,000. (Rob told me Say Yes to the Dress viewers would think poorly of him if I said he was a lawyer, we are paying for the dress, and we can’t spend over $1,000.) As a matter of principle, I’d rather not. If I fall crazy in love with a dress, maybe a little over that. Otherwise, I can’t justify that much money for a dress that I’d wear once, even a dress this important. If I was buying a cocktail dress I could wear several times, I’d have a problem paying ¼ of that.

Based on what I think I want from internet searches, I think paying $1,000 or under is possible. I’ll just have to try dresses at shops with less publicity.

Reception Venue Secure, Homeowner Bound

You'd think our our favorite weekend activity (based on past behavior) was looking at wedding venues. Since deciding on Cherokee Run, we had to find a new hobby. So, we have put our wedding plans on the back burner so that we can focus on buying a home.

We want to buy a condo in midtown Atlanta. Rob’s office is here and, since he has to bill a certain number of hours per year, it makes sense for us right now to cut a commute time out of his work time each day. With me commuting from midtown, it takes about 20-30 minutes depending on traffic. Since Rob is evaluated based on his billable hours in the year,, while I work a standard eight-hour shift, it makes sense for us to take his commute out of our equation. In the last few weeks, since I’ve been working days, we both get to work around the same time, but I’m home at least 30 minutes before him. So, since he’s more likely to be working longer days, we’re able to spend more time together if he’s closer to work.

We started our search search in Park Central, which is Rob’s current building. We’ve looked at several two-bedroom units in that building, but haven’t been able to find anything we like. We want a two-bedroom unit so that we can stay in the condo until we have at least one child. We also want enough room for a dining room table. Unfortunately, nothing we’ve seen in Park Central fit the bill.

We initially tried to do the search ourselves by contacting the listing agent for them to show us the condo. This worked for the first few, but it took a lot of time for us. So, instead of waiting for individual realtors to show us their property, we decided to use Ben McKenzie, a local realtor who helped Rob find the condo he’s renting, to assist us with our search.

And the winner is...

After seeing Le Fais Do-Do and shocking our fellow venue-shoppers at Le Fais Do-Do with the number of reception venues we had seen, we figured it was time to make a decision.

Deciding on one venue proved difficult.  No two venues were alike.  We joke that trying to decide was a like a giant calculus equation, since there were several factors to consider, each of which changed from venue to venue.  One might come with tables and chairs while sacrificing parking.  Another might be perfect inside with a lackluster location. 

Throughout the process, none of the venues was a strong “no.”  At some point, each venue was at or near the top of our list.  No venue was perfect for our needs.  No matter which venue topped our list at any given moment, another venue could have topped it if another category was weighted more heavily. 

When it came time to make a final decision, the main factors we started looking at were space and price.  Everywhere we looked had enough space for our needs.  At first, it looked like there were some significant differences in price, but when you factored in table rentals, bartenders, security guards, etc., the difference in cost wasn’t significant enough to select one venue over another.  Costs remained fairly constant for our top contenders—the rental fees were around the same, we could bring our own alcohol, etc.  This was true at every place except Emory (which was immediately out of the running) and Cherokee Run (who said we had to use their caterer and purchase alcohol from them). 

Knowing that open bars generally ran $20+ per person, we figured Cherokee Run would add another $4,000 onto our tab.  They were at the bottom of the list.  Then, with one nearly too late email detailing the alcohol prices, the underdog came back and trumped the competition. 

So, it came down to small things.  I was pretty committed to Le Fais Do-Do.  Rob favored Spring Hall, but I couldn’t get past the location.  Having the reception in a shopping center, where we couldn’t have any pictures outside, really bothered me.  If it had a different location, I’m certain we would have chosen Spring Hall.  Of course, as Rob pointed out, we’d be in the same position with Le Fais Do-Do, but I still preferred that venue.  I loved the interior and the fact that we could transform it as we pleased.  (I also liked the disco ball.)

We also realized at this point that we hadn’t done any research on the price of the church for the ceremony.  We had been narrowly focused on reception venues without giving thought to churches, other than Grace Covenant.  Once we were learning towards Atlanta venues, we started exploring churches near Spring Hall and Le Fais Do-Do, which were our top choices.  We didn’t expect the church issue to complicate our decision, since neither of us anticipated the price of a church being comparable to cost of renting the reception venue. 

I was quickly proven wrong.  At the first church that we checked, we received an estimate of $2,500 for non-members.  The cost “included the Wedding Director's fee, two Wedding Coordinators (required) who conduct the rehearsal and are there for you on the wedding day; the Music Director and all organ music; set-up and take down; two security guards (required), the Marriage Workshop (which is in addition to your marriage counseling with your clergy and very much encouraged); and free parking.”  Since we aren’t expecting fights at the church, paying for two security guards (among other things) we didn’t want seemed unnecessary.  We also contacted a few other churches, which had fees ranging from $800 to $1900. 

Once we realized that the cost for a church would be more than we expected, we briefly considered having the ceremony at the reception location.  This idea would have worked fine with Spring Hall.  The ceremony room at Le Fais Do-Do looked like it would be very tight since the room was long and narrow shaped. 

However, when we pictured having the wedding ceremony at these venues, I realized how much I wanted a church wedding.  It’s not something I would have said I was 100% set on at the outset.  It was only when we started thinking about taking the church off the table that I realized how much I wanted it.  There’s something special and sacred about being married at a house of worship, and beginning your life together in a spiritual place.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would be disappointed if we didn’t have that type of start to our marriage. 

So, even after we’d spent a couple hours discussing it over the weekend, we still hadn’t come to a final decision.  When I realized how important a church wedding was, though, I told Rob that, if Cherokee Run got back to us with reasonable alcohol prices, we should go with that location. 

Luckily for us, Cherokee Run sent us a beverage price on Monday.  Their alcohol prices turned out to be very reasonable, and didn’t make them any more expensive than the rest of the venues we’d been considering closely.  Also, unlike most places, they allowed us to purchase bottles of wine and kegs of beer from them instead of limiting us to pay-per-drink or open bar prices.  Their system allows us to control pricing, and essentially allows us to get just as much there for what we were planning on spending on alcohol at any of the BYOB venues.

Also, Cherokee Run has a great location.  Being in Conyers allows us to use Grace Covenant, which was something that we’d wanted all along.  Cherokee Run made Grace Covenant a practical option, since it doesn’t involve a 45-minute drive between the ceremony and the reception.  An additional benefit is that Conyers is a smaller, more easily navigated city than Atlanta.  We thought that might be a better option for our guests who will be coming from out of town or who aren’t used to driving around the city in Atlanta. 

Now that we have finished our long search, we’ve made a decision and set the date.  I’m excited to announce that we will be getting married on June 2, 2012 at Grace Covenant Presbyterian Church, with the reception immediately following at Cherokee Run Golf Club.

Same Diamond, New Setting

As Rob mentioned in a previous post, he intentionally had the diamond placed in a simple setting so that I could pick a setting I liked.  Poor Rob had planned this out ahead of time, and had no idea that people would give me so much grief over “not liking” the ring, which couldn’t have been further from the truth. I repeatedly asked Rob, just to make sure, that going back to the jewelry store was his plan. If Rob hadn’t told me minutes after proposing that he wanted me to pick out a setting that suits me, I never would have gone to the jewelry store. Why would I have wanted to? The ring was gorgeous in a simple setting! It made me feel terrible that people kept assuming that I didn’t like the ring because it is my most prized possession. If I could only keep one item for the rest of my life, it would be the ring.

We did go to the jewelers. I wanted to go right away because the ring was too big.  Unfortunately, to resize the ring would have taken about a week. I opted to wait until I decided on the ring I wanted.

I looked for about an hour and a half before finding what I wanted. I was looking for a setting, kind of similar to the one Rob had picked, but a thinner band with small stones on it.  I didn’t want those small stones to be too shiny or big so as to distract from the center diamond—I think the jeweler was amused by me not wanting “too shiny diamonds”.  The jewelry store was then closed for two weeks, so we ended up going back a second time and picking out the final ring.  (It seems pretty standard in the jewelry industry to close for two weeks in July.  So, anyone who is thinking about making a major jewelry purchase around late June should take this into account.) 

I initially hesitated to say yes to the ring I wanted after getting a price. I’ve never purchased expensive jewelry before, and had no idea how much it costs.  Thankfully, I have an amazing fiancé who knows me well and took me aside to convince me that if that was the ring I wanted, that was the ring he wanted to get, we could afford it, I’d wear it forever, etc.

I loved the ring the moment I put it on. Since I picked it up from the jewelers, I am unable to go too long without glancing at it.



My new ring! Same diamond, new setting.



The sales person kept making a big deal about how Michael B (the ring designer) had such a beautiful box. This is the ring in the fancy box, which is really just shiny yellow as opposed to the standard black.



Side view--I love the detailing design along the center stone.

Venue 6: Le Fais Do-Do

Le Fais Do-Do was a beautiful, reasonably priced venue that provided a great deal of flexibility in planning the reception.

I noticed Le Fais Do-Do while searching online for venues.  (Why I continued searching for venues when we had seen several suitable contenders is beyond me.)  Right after we finished looking at Spring Hall, we toyed with the idea of looking at Le Fais. 

One reviewer had noted that the Georgia State law school had their Barrister’s Ball at the facility this past year.  Rob called a friend who had been to the Barrister’s Ball.  Since Rob’s friend said that it was at least worth checking out, we called Le Fais.  Marie, the owner, informed us that if we could be there in thirty minutes, she would be showing the venue to other potential wedding parties.  It just so happened that Spring Hall was about thirty minutes away…

Le Fais Do-Do is located in an industrial section of West Atlanta, making the location another unremarkable one.  Accessibility was no problem, as the front ramp provided an easy entrance to the building.  Inside was a warehouse converted into an event space.  The event space had shiny, black stone floors and crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceilings. 

The first room we saw is frequently used as the wedding ceremony room or cocktail hour room.  It’s long and narrow, and has a pretty backdrop of golden mirrors.

A little hallway leads past a coatroom and a photo booth room from the ceremony/cocktail room to the main ballroom.  Marie, who kept us consistently entertained with anecdotes about the venue, mentioned that the photo booth was the most popular feature with guests.

The ballroom is the same as the first room, except bigger.  The same gorgeous chandeliers adorn the ceiling.  A fun disco ball illuminated the dance floor with what appeared to be little bubbles of white light.  Compared to other ballrooms, this space appeared smaller.  Despite appearing smaller, I was certain that we would have enough space in the ballroom for our tables and dance floor. 

Le Fais really stood apart from other venues due to its relaxed, yet classy atmosphere.  It had a vintage feel, which really appeals to me.

Another plus is that Le Fais is a space that guests can personalize to their own unique vision.  One nice touch in this vein is a projector that can display names of the bride and groom on the floor.

Off the ballroom was room that could be used for the bar and buffet.  It was similar in size to the ceremony/cocktail room.  Marie noted that sofas could be added to the area to give it a swanky feel.  Throughout the entire tour, Marie expressed that the furniture could be moved anywhere.

You could tell Marie was very proud of the space she opened just a couple of years ago.  She was full of ideas and advice.  She seemed supportive of each person’s vision.  I am certain she would be excellent and work diligently to guarantee each person’s desire for the space is realized.

Before leaving, we took a peak at the bridal area.  This area was ok, bearing in mind we just saw the beautiful and much more ornate bride room at Spring Hall.  The bridal area was large and included a couple of sofas and mirrors.  It contained everything a bride would need to relax or get ready for the big event.  However, like the entire venue, it was a blank slate that you could decorate as you pleased.

While we gathered pricing information, I was pretty much sold on Le Fais Do-Do, which was available in June.  When we inquired about the slim possibility of rescheduling due to a deployment, Marie emphasized her patriotism and how she would do nothing to offend our troops.

Overall, I loved the vintage feel and the ability to mold the space to our liking.  Moreover, Marie seemed to have many connections to make the vendor selection process easier.  She had a number of recommendations for bartenders, florists, photographers, caterers, etc. 

Marie noted that she explored the wedding reception industry for four years.  When she started her company, she purposefully avoiding limiting clients in the way that other venues tended to do (e.g., requiring certain caterers or use of the venue’s alcohol).  Le Fais Do-Do will allow you to bring your own alcohol (although require the disposal of any opened containers at the end of the night), allow you to use any caterer, and give you access to their furniture inventory (with tables and chairs are included with the rental). 

 Plus

• Vintage feel with open space.
• Free rein to design as you please.
• Bring your own alcohol and caterers.
• Accessible bathrooms.
• Ample parking.

Minus

• Industrial location; lacks opportunities for outdoor photos.
• The space for the ceremony looked a little tight for our 150 planned guests. 
• The darker colored interior and lack of natural lighting.  I’d prefer a brighter area for our reception

Venue 5: Spring Hall

Spring Hall is closely tied with the Old Dekalb Courthouse for my favorite venue so far. It is a beautiful and spacious venue. Unfortunately, the location leaves something to be desired.

Spring Hall is located a few miles north on Buford Highway.[1] One thing that I’m not crazy about is the venue's location in a shopping center. Granted, this does provide for ample parking. However, the parking lot of a shopping center doesn’t provide most picturesque scenery for wedding photos.

However, once when we walked in, the interior of the building was a completely different story. It is gorgeous. The entrance alone makes you forget about the mediocre outside. The marble lobby floor and crystal chandelier made this one of the nicest venues we’d seen since the Emory Hotel.


Lobby


Once inside, we met with Alex. He informed us the event planner was out of the office, but he would be happy to show us around the facility.

The bridal room was our first stop. What a difference between this room and the previous bridal space at the Old Courthouse!

Wonderfully decorated bridal area

Spring Hall clearly cared that the bride has a beautiful area to dress and get ready for the wedding. The bridal room connects directly to the restrooms. In a sign of how much is invested in making this a great event venue, even the restrooms were beautiful and immaculate.

The restrooms consisted of four regular stalls and one handicapped-accessible stalls. There was ample counter space around the sinks. I was impressed that Spring Hall even went to the trouble of ensuring that even the restrooms appeared elegant.

We proceeded to the cocktail and lounge area. Alex assured us that we could move the furniture around as we pleased. The couple who was hosting the even that night had moved the couches to create a lounge feel.

Lounge Area



Cocktail/Lounge Area


The corner bar, located near the double doors leading to the main ballroom, offered a perfect location for serving cocktails. Alex informed us that non-alcoholic beverages are provided with the package, and that we could provide whatever alcohol we would like.

Closer view of the corner bar

Spring Hall posed no problem for providing the amount of space we needed for the reception. The ballroom was set up to seat three hundred people. Even with seating for that many people, there was still a huge dance floor.

(Insert Picture)


Tons of dancing space



We would have ample room between tables, making it easy for my wheelchair to navigate the floor and allowing me to speak with our guests. I loved the beautiful chandelier in the middle of the room.

As an added bonus, the ballroom included audiovisual equipment with a screen that we could use for whatever we would like. Additionally, the lighting in the room could be adjusted anyway we pleased. (Personally, I liked how the room looked when the lights were dimmed a bit.)

One thing that threw off my whole perception of the ballroom was a strange smell that I noticed the entire time we were in the room. I couldn’t stand the smell. I can’t describe it and I only noticed it when we were in the ballroom. I pointed it out to Rob, who didn’t notice it. We went back into the ballroom to allow for a second smell. Rob noticed it the second time around, but pointed out that the cleaning room door was open and that the smell was probably coming from that room. He thought that it wouldn’t be an issue during the reception because the doors would be closed. To be fair, I'm sure the smell was just temporary.

As the tour proceeded, Alex pointed out extra space next door to the ballroom that could be utilized for food preparation. He noted that employee restrooms were located back there, so that the staff would not be using our restrooms and mingling with the guests. (Those weren’t his exact words, but that’s the impression we got.) Rob and I aren’t that bothered by the idea of the staff using the main restrooms, but maybe it’s a big selling point for others. (Comment from the groom: Maybe I just look like a snobby guy.)

Next, we viewed the groom’s room and men’s restrooms.

Fancy Groom's Room

Again, the proprietors of Spring Hall have made remarkable efforts to assure that every inch of the facility is beautiful. I would assume that the groom’s room is an afterthought for most facility. Instead, this room was wonderful as well. Once again, I was impressed with the care that had gone into making this such a lovely venue.

Alex finished by providing us with a price list and menu options. He indicated that the prices of the package would be a few thousand dollars less than what is listed on the package. I’m not certain how this works, but he seemed adamant that it would be the case. Apparently, the main event planner will often waive a number of fees. For example, he suggested that what was listed as an $11,000 package could end up closer to $8,000. (Alex did note that if we chose to use outside caterers, it would cost an extra $450.)

Spring Hall was also wide open for the following summer. I’d prefer a late May or early June wedding, but most of the places we’d visited so far had late June (Trolley Barn) to August (Old Dekalb Courthouse) as their first available weekend. Alex told us that nothing was booked for May or June.

As a precaution, we also asked how our wedding plans would be affected if Rob happened to be called for a deployment with his National Guard unit. In the event of a deployment, Alex assured us that adjusting our date would be no problem and there would be no extra fees involved.

We left Spring Hall being quite impressed by the attention to detail, space, and beauty of the facility.

Pros:
Completely accessible.
Beautiful facility with ample amount of space.
Plentiful parking.
Reasonably priced.
Available early next summer.
BYOB.
Full kitchen.
Beautiful Bride and Groom’s rooms.

Cons:
The location in the shopping center limits our options for outdoor pictures.
The smell in the ballroom. (I know this would probably be gone for the event, but it bothered me at the time. I would probably want to have lots of scented candles at the reception, just in case.)
Aside from the lobby, there is no natural light.
45 minute drive from Grace Covenant



[1] An interesting quirk about the area is the large number of Korean businesses along Buford Highway on while we were driving to the venue. It really surprises me that the area, while not technically a “Chinatown” in the way that those areas of a city New York are, is pretty much a Korean neighborhood dropped into the middle of an Atlanta suburb. We mused about when and how the Buford Highway area had become an attractive area to Korean immigrants. Perhaps a few successful immigrants informed their friends and families back home about the prosperity they found opening businesses there.

Venue #4: Old Dekalb Courthouse

At this point in our search, Old Dekalb Courthouse on the Square is my favorite venue.

Our trip to check it out started with a couple snags. We ran a little late for our noon appointment. (Comment from the fiancé: What my benevolent bride-to-be is so graciously omitting is that I had us take a couple wrong turns, which ran us late.) The vacant handicapped spot was quickly snatched as we tried to hurry inside. We also faced a minor problem when all the accessible entrances were locked. After we walked around the entire building to no avail, Rob finally had to call Stacey, our point of contact, to open the one of the accessible doors on the basement level.

Stacey first showed us features located on the basement levels. The venue included a bridal room for the bride to prepare for the ceremony. The bridal room included a spacious area for dressing and the largest bathroom out of the venues we have seen. On the downside, the bathroom had only one accessible toilet (i.e., with a raised toilet seat and grab bars) in the bridal area.

Stacey informed us that the bridal area can also be used for the couples to relax together for a few minutes prior to the reception. While I love the idea of having a separate area, I wasn’t impressed with the area itself. I got the impression that the only areas that are kept up in the facility were areas guests saw. The bridal area was worn down and old looking. All of the behind-the-scenes areas were also ragged.

We took the elevator up to the main courtroom, which is where the ceremony and reception are held. (Rob later pointed out that the lights on the elevator buttons didn’t seem to work.)

Although the non-public areas left something to be desired, this room is beautiful. I love the marble on the walls. The elegance of the courtroom nearly makes up for the lackluster appeal of the behind-the-scenes areas.

The open door on the left is the "Grooms Room"

Also, the courthouse did supply several little extra spaces that you could use for whatever purpose you pleased.

In the pictures, a small, mediocre “Grooms Room” or coat room (depending on how you want to utilize the space) is visible through the opened door.

Across the hall from the courtroom, there is another extra room with wooden floors. Stacey told us that some people employ that area as a buffet, cake, or gift room.

Down a flight of stairs (or elevator ride), is the lobby. Since the lobby is seen by guests, it is beautiful.

Lobby entrance

Stacey acknowledged the area is typically used for a cocktail hour while the courtroom is flipped from ceremony room to reception room.

After finishing the tour, we went to Stacey’s office to get paperwork with prices and their regulations. Prior to our visit, I looked online to view the availability of the courthouse for next summer. According to the website, the venue wasn’t available until August. Stacey confirmed that what I saw online was accurate.

Also, as a precaution, we asked if they would return our deposit/move our date without penalty if Rob, who is in the National Guard, happened to get deployed. . Right now, he doesn’t have orders to deploy anywhere, but given the fact that we are still in the middle of two wars, it seemed best to be proactive and get clarity on their policy regarding military deployments.

From Stacey’s reaction, it appeared as if this was a new dilemma for the venue. She said that while she would have to check with her boss to be sure, she thought we would still have to pay $200 to change the date. She mentioned that the paperwork involved would cost them money.

Her answer to this really made my mad. If we indeed wanted to book the venue, and her boss said they would not waive the fee, I would reconsider the whole thing. It eludes me how a former government building could be unsupportive (and I see charging a fee for changing the date due to deployment as unsupportive) of the military. It felt like a double penalty to me. Of course, this is all hypothetical. Still, in the event of a deployment, we would first have to postpone our wedding and the start our lives together while Rob heads to a dangerous area to serve our country. Then, we would be charged an extra fee on top of that? It’s extremely off-putting to me. I will have to get a definite answer on whether or not they will waive the fee before we decide to use this venue.

Yay!

• Beautiful public areas!!!
• Bridal area. I really like the idea of having a private area to have a moment together as a couple before greeting the guests.
• Outside area for photos (even if it is a somewhat limited).
• Huge restroom in the basement.
• Alcohol is BYOB .
• Tables and chairs included in the rental.

Nay…

• Charging a fee if the wedding had to be postponed due to a deployment.
• Unappealing non-public areas.
• Limited parking. Guests would have to utilize parking decks nearby.
• The venue charges an extra $1,000 fee if you don’t use their preferred caterer.
• Not available until August.
• I couldn’t exit through the main exit (there are stairs), which would make for an awkward exit at the end of the evening.

The Proposal, Part 2 : Would you have Tom Petty help you ask that question?

When you keep a proposal secret from your fiancée, a wide gulf exists between your respective perceptions of the events leading up to that moment. To your fiancée, it’s an evening that will starts out relatively uneventful, and, if you’re doing it right, she’s not going to pick up on any cues that this is anything different than the last thirty weekends. To you, it’s a challenge to keep everything moving toward your plan without giving anything away.

That created a couple of hiccups. A couple weeks before the proposal, I asked Melanie if she’d like to go karaoke singing. Melanie has an excellent singing voice, and loves karaoke. On our third or fourth date, we sang karaoke at a local bar, and I remember how surprised I was that this otherwise soft-spoken woman had such a powerful and beautiful voice.[1] We had found a couple of places in midtown that had a karaoke event on the weekend, so we chose one of them.

I also decided that I’d like some people important to Melanie to be there to share her excitement. (Assuming she said yes.) To that end, I’d invited her sister and her sister’s fiancée to join us at karaoke. However, we ended up going on one day earlier than originally planned, which meant that Liz and Justin couldn’t come along. (Justin’s a DJ, and had a gig the night we went to karaoke.) I’m not sure when Liz knew about my plans, but I don’t think I ended up pushing the issue of us waiting until they could come along because I was afraid Melanie would know something was up. I also didn’t want to postpone this, because I wasn’t sure how long the folks who knew about the engagement could contain themselves.

I also invited Catherine, our mutual friend along. Catherine introduced us originally, and Melanie and I re-connected after a year-long split at Catherine’s birthday party, so it seemed fitting that she should be there for this. I was a little worried that Catherine might not be feeling up to it after work, so I went ahead and sent her an e-mail letting her know what I was doing that night. Catherine, being an incredibly supportive friend, assured me that she’d be there.

About an hour and a half before we met with her, it occurred to me that I Melanie and I had been talking about getting married and moving in together, but Catherine didn’t necessarily know that. I worried that Catherine might hear us talking, and assume that I’d already popped the question, so I sent her a text telling her not to be surprised if the topic came up in conversation and that Melanie did not know about my plan. Here again, Catherine was supportive, and thanked me for the heads up.

Before we left, we had dinner and watched an episode of the show Taboo on Netflix. By pure coincidence, she chose an episode about marriage in different cultures. I remember being amused by that, given the circumstances. Not that I could show it, though – she just thought it would be an interesting thing to watch. To me, it was an omen; to her, it was a way to kill some time before we went out.

About 9:30, Melanie and I left my apartment for Midtown Tavern. I had put the ring in the pocket of the jacket I intended to wear earlier in the day, before Melanie got there. As we were getting ready to leave, I turned my back to her, took the ring out, and made sure it was still there. I’m not sure what I expected. Maybe I was worried that some gnomes had broken into my apartment and stolen the ring or something. Maybe I just enjoyed tempting fate.

Once we arrived at Midtown Tavern, things proceeded quickly. Catherine was there to meet us. We made had a nice time catching up while each of us waited for our chance to sing.

I asked Melanie if she had any preferences as to my song choice. I’m not sure which of us initially selected Tom Petty. I scanned through the song book, and came up with a couple options. The first was “Walls,” a song that I sang on our first karaoke date. The other was “The Waiting,” which I thought might be a little better for a proposal. Without prompting her, I asked her which one she’d like better. She chose “Walls.” I asked her if she was sure, and she said yes. I asked her if was because it was one of the first songs I sang to her, and she smiled and nodded.

I tried to be casual about it, but I also knew that it was the song I’d be singing when I proposed to Melanie. I wanted to make sure she was happy with it. “Walls” had the advantage that it was a song that she associated with us getting together, so it already had some significance to her. Also, I knew from singing it a couple times that “Walls” had a long-ish instrumental break in the middle of the song. Usually, that makes for a lot of awkward fidgeting during a song, but in this case, it was a perfect fit.

Not long after we sent our names up, the DJ called for Melanie’s name, and said that Melanie would be followed by me. That moment reminded me a little of going to airborne school, when the time came for us to get up and shuffle to the door of the plane. I needed to walk up there on the stage and take the leap, and from that point, gravity would take over. The waiting had been the hardest part, but now it was over. I was anxious, given the magnitude of the event, but I knew for certain that this was what I wanted, and I wasn’t going to back down. Of course, much like jumping out of the plane, there was also the possibility that if I did something wrong, and Melanie said no in front of a crowd of people, I’d be free falling.

Having exhausted my supply of airborne metaphors and Tom Petty references, I got on stage and started singing (to use the word loosely). Catherine was a great help in making this work. She both filmed everything on her phone and ensured that Melanie stayed near the stage while I was singing. (Melanie told me later that this was her first indication that something was up.)

On a whim, I took out the ring box, and held it in my hand while I was singing. Melanie, however, didn’t notice, as she was following along with the lyrics. Toward the end of the second verse, I even opened the box to have it ready. She still didn’t notice.

So, I took the direct approach. When the song came to its instrumental interlude, I proposed. I had a rough idea of what I wanted to say when I got up there, but it was a little improvised.

“Hey Melanie?” (Not originally part of the speech, but I needed to get her attention.)

“I love you more than anything else in the world, babe.” (I knew getting up there I wanted to say that.)

“And having a musical break that’s eight measures long seems like a decent time to ask…” (Again, not originally part of the speech. I was a little nervous, and sometime I make jokes when I’m nervous.)

At this point, I held up the ring. The crowd -- having keyed in to the fact that something new was interrupting the usual program of patrons drunkenly warbling off-key versions of songs from the 1980’s – started cheering.

“Will you marry me?” The crowd was still cheering at this point, but I could see Melanie looking shocked, and smiling, and saying “yes”.

The cheering of the crowd was drowning her out though. “Can you say that a little louder? Can you give me a thumbs-up if that’s a ‘yes’?” (OK, this part was actually something I planned. Sometimes I just makes jokes because I’m goofy.)

Melanie yelled “YES!” and nodded vigorously, smiling. I walked down, finishing the song. I got down on one knee to put the ring on her finger, and finished the song. She looked positively radiant, and I’d never felt better about any other decision in my life. I gave her a kiss.

And from that point on, my life keeps changing for the better every day.

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[1] I also remember thinking, “Why is she singing a song about a woman who destroys her boyfriend’s car because she suspects him of cheating?”, but that’s neither here nor there.

The Proposal, Part 1: Storming the brain

My brother told me: “Do something special for the proposal. Unfortunately, you don't get a second chance, and it's a story you'll tell a lot. Make it a good one. Funny, romantic, embarrassing, whatever. Just make it special.”

I took my brother’s advice on this to heart. I am not, by nature, someone who is comfortable with or adept at planning elaborate events. I also once read a satirical article about marriage written from the perspective of a cynical woman. It included the following advice meant to dissuade the man from trying a memorable proposal:

When you propose, don't try to do anything cute like putting the ring in my wine glass or having a little kid bring it to me at a picnic. It's all been done before, and you are not a very creative person. It would probably just come off as cheesy and forced. Just get down on a knee and get it over with. New Year's Eve works fine for me.

That pretty much could have been describing me. However, while I’m sure many folks take their cues on life from humor web sites – and really, why shouldn’t they? – it seemed like Melanie might appreciate the effort.

I briefly considered trying to recruit Vannah, Melanie’s niece, into the proposal. Melanie absolutely adores Vannah. My idea was to tell Vannah to give the ring to Melanie, and have her ask Melanie to marry Rob. In theory, it seemed that Vannah, who has been the source of so much joy in Melanie’s life, would be the perfect vehicle for what I hoped would be a wonderful moment. Upon further consideration, however, I decided that giving a two-year old a choking hazard that can also cut glass was a tad impractical.

I also considered bring Melanie to Athens to re-create our first date. (Luckily, it wasn’t until our second date that I tried to push her chair across the street too fast and nearly knocked her out of her chair when I hit a bump.) I wasn’t quite sure how well that would work, though. The first place we went on our first date was an Italian chain restaurant that had since closed down under tragic circumstances. The closest approximation would probably have been Olive Garden. While I’m sure a proposal story that starts out with, “So, we went to dinner at Olive Garden” would put be a great way to get mentioned in the next edition of Stuff White People Like, that wasn’t what I was shooting for.

Also, the last place we went on our first date was her dorm room at UGA. (I can’t recall specifically, but I believe we went there to read the Bible and play Scrabble, or something to that effect.) If we went there, we might interrupt college kids taking tequila shots or sacrificing goats (which is what I assume most UGA college students do when they aren’t studying cow-tipping), and that could quickly become awkward. So, back to the drawing board.

I briefly considered just taking her out to dinner and asking her. And getting her a card that said, “Sorry I can’t think of anything better, but will you still marry me? I’ve got a good job!”

Then, at some point, I was listening to Johnny Cash, as I am wont to do. I recalled the ending of Walk the Line, where Johnny proposes to June while they’re singing “Jackson.” (Apparently, this happened in real life.) In the context of the story, it seemed like kind of a jerk move, because they’d been fighting up to that point, and he was effectively putting her in a position where the entire crowd was pressuring her to say yes. So, obviously, I decided that was the way to go. (Ah, movies and television – when have they ever steered someone in the wrong direction?)

The Ring: If you love it, then you should etc., etc.

Although I know that your average red-blooded American men possesses detailed knowledge about how to select a diamond ring, that particular skill has eluded me. In fact, my approach to buying things is particularly ill-suited to such a sensitive purchase. When I got to the mall, I probably take more time looking for a parking spot than looking for what I want.

Given my complete lack of expertise in this field, I spoke with my family to get a better handle on buying an engagement ring. My mother, sister, and brother all provided helpful advice about getting the cut, clarity, size, etc. They also asked what kind of jewelry Melanie likes, and to get her something that would work with that. My brother and sister sent me a couple links to jeweler websites. I downloaded about fifteen or sixteen pictures of different styles of rings. I also pored through all the photos of Melanie I could find to get some idea of what kind of jewelry she might like, since she usually doesn’t wear much more than earrings and a nose piercing.

Finally, after this exhaustive research into how to get her a ring, I pretty much reverted to form when it came time to actually buy the ring. I got to the jeweler, Solomon Brothers, about twenty minutes before they closed. Despite trying to get smart on this stuff, I was still pretty lost. The salesman, Terry, was quite helpful in walking me through the process.

For someone with an untrained eye, it turns out that selecting a diamond can be a straightforward process. I knew Melanie would like a round cut. Once that decision was made, choosing the diamond boiled down to: “Would you like this nice-looking diamond, or this larger nice looking diamond, or this nice-looking diamond that is a little smaller than the larger nice looking diamond but is clearer?” Those weren’t Terry’s exact words – I believe he actually described the various diamonds in terms of carat size, clarity, and color – but that’s pretty much how my brain processed the decision.

When I mentioned that I wasn’t quite sure what type of ring setting Melanie would like, Terry suggested that I get her a solitaire in with a simple band, and have her come back to pick out the setting later. My sister had suggested doing the same thing.

I decided that picking out a simple ring setting and bring Melanie back to the store was the best idea. I knew that I could probably pick out a more ornate setting that would be fine, and that she would be happy. I also knew that if I went to the effort of picking out a more ornate setting, Melanie would refuse to come back to the store and pick out a new one. Melanie has never been one to let her personal preferences dominate a situation, and I knew that she wouldn’t consider the idea of choosing something that was more closely matched to her preference if I’d already gone to the trouble of picking out a ring.

That says a lot about her generosity of spirit, but it seems like kind of a cheap win on my part. I decided that picking a plain band, and emphasizing to her that I’d done so for the express purpose of having her keep the same diamond by choose the exact setting that she wanted, was the best option. It was a good compromise between preserving the surprise and ensuring the ring was the right one.[1]

So, altogether, I walked into the jewelry store at 7:40, and walked out at 8:10. At least I spent more time looking for the ring than looking for a parking spot.

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[1] Given that it was my plan to bring Melanie back to the store long before she had any idea that I’d bought a ring, I have been exasperated by women who think that Melanie simply didn’t like the ring I got her. I put a lot of thought into how to set the conditions to get her to return to the jeweler, and I still had to put a lot of effort into assuaging her fears that she’d be hurting my feelings by choosing a more personalized setting. I’m considering the idea of giving Melanie a signed and notarized letter from me explaining this when it comes up in conversation.