Although I know that your average red-blooded American men possesses detailed knowledge about how to select a diamond ring, that particular skill has eluded me. In fact, my approach to buying things is particularly ill-suited to such a sensitive purchase. When I got to the mall, I probably take more time looking for a parking spot than looking for what I want.
Given my complete lack of expertise in this field, I spoke with my family to get a better handle on buying an engagement ring. My mother, sister, and brother all provided helpful advice about getting the cut, clarity, size, etc. They also asked what kind of jewelry Melanie likes, and to get her something that would work with that. My brother and sister sent me a couple links to jeweler websites. I downloaded about fifteen or sixteen pictures of different styles of rings. I also pored through all the photos of Melanie I could find to get some idea of what kind of jewelry she might like, since she usually doesn’t wear much more than earrings and a nose piercing.
Finally, after this exhaustive research into how to get her a ring, I pretty much reverted to form when it came time to actually buy the ring. I got to the jeweler, Solomon Brothers, about twenty minutes before they closed. Despite trying to get smart on this stuff, I was still pretty lost. The salesman, Terry, was quite helpful in walking me through the process.
For someone with an untrained eye, it turns out that selecting a diamond can be a straightforward process. I knew Melanie would like a round cut. Once that decision was made, choosing the diamond boiled down to: “Would you like this nice-looking diamond, or this larger nice looking diamond, or this nice-looking diamond that is a little smaller than the larger nice looking diamond but is clearer?” Those weren’t Terry’s exact words – I believe he actually described the various diamonds in terms of carat size, clarity, and color – but that’s pretty much how my brain processed the decision.
When I mentioned that I wasn’t quite sure what type of ring setting Melanie would like, Terry suggested that I get her a solitaire in with a simple band, and have her come back to pick out the setting later. My sister had suggested doing the same thing.
I decided that picking out a simple ring setting and bring Melanie back to the store was the best idea. I knew that I could probably pick out a more ornate setting that would be fine, and that she would be happy. I also knew that if I went to the effort of picking out a more ornate setting, Melanie would refuse to come back to the store and pick out a new one. Melanie has never been one to let her personal preferences dominate a situation, and I knew that she wouldn’t consider the idea of choosing something that was more closely matched to her preference if I’d already gone to the trouble of picking out a ring.
That says a lot about her generosity of spirit, but it seems like kind of a cheap win on my part. I decided that picking a plain band, and emphasizing to her that I’d done so for the express purpose of having her keep the same diamond by choose the exact setting that she wanted, was the best option. It was a good compromise between preserving the surprise and ensuring the ring was the right one.[1]
So, altogether, I walked into the jewelry store at 7:40, and walked out at 8:10. At least I spent more time looking for the ring than looking for a parking spot.
[1] Given that it was my plan to bring Melanie back to the store long before she had any idea that I’d bought a ring, I have been exasperated by women who think that Melanie simply didn’t like the ring I got her. I put a lot of thought into how to set the conditions to get her to return to the jeweler, and I still had to put a lot of effort into assuaging her fears that she’d be hurting my feelings by choosing a more personalized setting. I’m considering the idea of giving Melanie a signed and notarized letter from me explaining this when it comes up in conversation.
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